FAQ (by my critics)

What’s for dinner?

You’ll have to wait and see. I’d tell you, but it’s simply too early in the day to have to listen to you whine and complain about it.

Do I have to eat all of this?

Seriously? Tiny Tim would scoff at the itty-bitty amount of food I gave you. Don’t make me go all “children are starving in Ethopia” on you. Yes. You have to eat all of it.

Can I just taste it and that’s it?

Why don’t you taste it before you start bargaining? You never know, you might like it. Stranger things have happened.

How much of this do I have to eat to get dessert?

Please let’s not do this tonight. Just eat.

Are we even having dessert?

Yes. Whatever you don’t eat for dinner, that’s your dessert.

Why did you make _____ when you know I don’t like it?

Just to annoy you.

I don’t like _______. Can you please make me some plain pasta?

Absolutely not. But thank you for saying ‘please.’

What is that?

Eye of newt and toe of frog. Eat it.

What are we having for dinner tomorrow night?

Probably something that you like even less than this. Better stock up now.

Is this for your blog?

Don’t change the subject. Just eat.

I have a bellyache. Can I go lie down?

You know what? When I was a kid we didn’t get to just eat small bites and then we were done. We had to clean our plates! I remember sitting at the table for hours while my dad tried to convince me that if I hold my nose and pretend I’m eating spaghetti and meatballs, then my brussels sprouts would taste like spaghetti and meatballs! Which I know wouldn’t work for you, anyway, because you don’t like tomato sauce. Which is absurd! How do you not like tomato sauce? You kids are so pampered and spoiled, it’s ridiculous! That’s it! Enough bargaining and whining and complaining!  I’m tired of slaving all day over a hot stove for you to sit there and grumble about it! Sit down, stop crying, and eat your dinner!